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Who Ya Got?! Week Eight: Terrible Trades Edition

Who Ya Got?! Week Eight: Terrible Trades Edition

It would appear that the terrible trade bug is catching. Amari Cooper moving to the Cowboys at the cost of a first round draft pick in 2019 is at best a gamble by “America’s Team”. The Raiders are in full rebuild mode now with the Giants in close pursuit. Time to get rid of the rotten apples in the locker room (hope you all got that). Head scratching trades are infectious in the MRFC Mans league as well. We have witnessed my good old friend trade away a solid RB2 in Alex Collins for QB Jameis Winston. If Le’Veon Bell returns to action, as is expected, then the loss of Collins may not be a big deal. However one can only think that auld 1cab could’ve got more for Collins than an underperforming QB. I for one would have offered him way more…

Bobby Nelsons Tash Clash Game of the Week

Beast Mode (5-2) v Newcraighall Nukes (4-3)

The Battle of Newcraighall 2018. Avant Homes v Barratt Homes. Upper Musselburgh v Lower Niddrie. In fact they live so close to each other that the winner of the belt could easily walk round to the others and pose for a photo shoot in their front garden. This game has the makings of a titanic battle. Ape is coming off the back of his fourth straight victory whist Cabbage suffered a wee setback last weekend (sorry Cabbage – had to get that in there)! However both these teams have scored heavily in the last few weeks, both posting 120+ points on 3 of the last 4 weekends. I expect more of the same from both teams as we enter a crucial phase of the season.

How does Cab’s team look?

Cabbage has given himself a bit of problem at RB this week with afore mention Alex Collins departing, newly acquired Dion Lewis (Titans offence is nothing but a shit show in my opinion) on a bye leaving Tarik Cohen and Mark Ingram in lead roles. Matty Ice is also away having a week off so QB Jameis Winston is set to steer the ship or should I say rollercoaster. All this reshuffling leaves a bit a problem at flex where one of his bench mob will have to slot in. Will this be costly? Time will tell.

How does Ape’s team look?

Annoyingly Ape has his best back, Melvin Gordon, on a bye but still looks solid at RB. Rookies Lindsay and Chubb are set to feature heavily and should deliver points on a par with the Eurovision Song Contest. Tom terrific is coming off the back of 4 consecutive wins and the Patriots look back to the potent offence of years gone by. Will the loss of Sony Tele be a big factor? Unlikely, the Patriots are 28-2 against Buffalo in the Brady/Belichick era.

SELECTION: Nukes to take the belt.

Top Shaggers (4-3) v Shooting By Arrangement (4-3)

This matchup was close to being named the Tash clash but the commish is just about had his fill of tash clashes. I cannot believe that DP is 4-3 (check the graphic at the bottom). For a man “in the know” this ensemble is the worst he’s produced since league inception. You heard of this thing called a one man team? Shooting By Arrangement needs a name change. Todd Gurley United perhaps? This is nothing to do with jealousy on m

y part by the way, I didn’t really want him anyway. Jimbo has a bit of a boom and bust team. I reckon he spends most Sundays shitting himself in case the team doesn’t perform. Some weeks he has nothing to worry about, other weeks he has everything to worry about. Can Richard, Beckham, Mixon and Gronk combine for more points that Gurley? That’s the crux of this matchup. As for Stafford v Cousins, god only knows.

SELECTION:  Shooting By Arrangement

Samba’s Warriors (5-2) v Bigger The Better (3-4)

SELECTION:

Ross seems to be enjoying things this year. Fantasyland. Take me up, up, up and away. Oh fuck that was discoland. No wonder he cock-a-hoop with Carry-on Luggage and Alvin Kamara at RB nicely complemented by Paddy Mahomes at QB. We’d all be dancing with our hands in the air. On the other hand, Kysi is a very frustrated man. He hasn’t managed to solve the problem of scoring 130 and conceding 140. So onto the waiver he goes picking up and dropping people like a middle aged man doon the docks. Have you actually picked somebody up, dropped them and then picked them back up again yet Kyle? With Tevin Coleman on a bye and Matt Breida injured he has decided to start Trenton Cannon (yip you’ll need to look the cunt up)(editors note: Who the bloody hell is this?!). Back up Jets running back at RB2. Oh dear. With Taylor Gabriel in at flex and Evan Engram underperforming I can’t see this one going his way.

SELECTION:  Samba’s Warriors

A Bunch of Helmets (3-4) v Goulash Goons (4-3)

I think this the third time I have written the blog and we’ve been up against one another. Each time I have picked myself to win and subsequently lost. I’m a learned man and therefore what follows is based purely on reverse psychology. Goulash what a team you have. Drew Brees, McCaffrey, Rudolph, Antonio Brown and Tyreek the freak. So much fire power and potency. As a man who has held the trophy of all trophies I salute you. Therefore Goulash I pronounce you the unequivocal winner of this matchup. Fingers crossed this works…

SELECTION: Goulash Goons

Hail Cajy (4-3) v Deshaun of the dead (1-6)

Former laughing stock v current laughing stock. What is with this Cajy nonsense anyway? Every time Cabbage calls you that in the chat it makes me snigger. Mind you that team you have isn’t too bad. Pats defence to get you 20+ points against the hapless Bills for starters. Kareem Hunt and Jared Goff to follow up with a couple of 30 burgers and that should be enough to send wee Joshy to a darkened room. Joshy lad you’ll need to hope that James White picks up extra carries in the absence of Michel whilst AJ Green will need to get back to winning ways against the Bucs defence. Not going to be enough though.

SELECTION: Hail Cajy

Doofy’s Disabled Duel

Deccatrons Dabbing Destroyers (0-7) v Asked Madden (5-2)

SELECTION: Asked Madden

 

Alone in the Dark Review

Alone in the Dark Review

Third review in one day from the prison warden of our nightmares

Pfft if I was Christian Slater and was given a script that has Tara Reid co – staring I would get a gallon of petrol and set myself on fire like a Tibetan monk.  When I read the review of the film I was quite optimistic but that was drained from me when Christian Slater who I think is gibbering mess of a lad started to speak in his hill billy you have a pretty mouth accent. Let’s just say it’s no lethal weapon it’s not even the always sunny in Philadelphia version when they went full racist!

Brief –

Edward Carnby is a private investigator specializing in unexplainable supernatural phenomena. His cases delve into the dark corners of the world, searching for truth in the occult remnants of ancient civilizations. Now, the greatest mystery of his past is about to become the most dangerous case he has ever faced. With the help of his ex-flame, archeologist Aline Cedrac, and his bitter rival, government agent Richard Burke, Edward Carnby is about to learn that just because you don’t believe in something, that doesn’t mean it can’t kill you.

Verdict

/5

The idea was there but I think I would rather have the doof explain thermodynamic physics.

Lethal Weapon Review

Lethal Weapon Review

Another review courtesy of, somehow, the leagues 2nd worst dyslexic, Caj.

Cabbage, Cabbage, Cabbage this was meant to be a punishment and you asked for me to review the greatest film ever!!!! I was going to review all four films as it would be a little of inconvenience  but I would be erect for 360 minutes and felt that the lack of blood would leave a little faint. I mean it even has Eric Clapton composing. This is not a punishment, I am close to my vinegar stroke as we speak.

Brief-

Blonde bird on a balcony, tits out, hair blowing in the wind, out her face on the marching powder. This all happens in the first scene, I mean there is no better start to a film. So Danny Glover (not Childish Gambino) the older gentleman with the epic tash is a soon to be retired cop who end up with a mad suicidal Mel Gibson who was a highly trained special forces operator during the Vietnam war, He is known as a lethal weapon!!! If you are not spitting on the tip of your dick about to pleasure yourself get ready.  So Rodger (Danny) and Martin (Mel) are not pals at the start, Rodger thinks he’s going to get him killed before he earns his gold retirement watch. By the end of the film they are best pals and continue their friendship for 3 more films.

Lads watch I have watched this film every time I received the doof it’s now a tradition I have grown a custom to this tradition so this film is the silver lining.

Cabbage you may be a mad man but you allowed me to have the excuse of watching this for 43543831 time so I thank you.

Verdict

Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 Review

Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 Review

Our second review from our league loser Caj. This one courtesy of big Jim.

Oh ya fucker!!! This was the worst film I have ever seen. I would like to thank Jim for this review as it is the perfect terrible film. Within the first minuet (editors note, bit of French here),  I wanted to take a shit in my hand and clap, allowing faecal pieces to flow through the air and cover my Mrs while she slept. I am a little worried to how Jim came across this abomination, but that’s a stone best to be left alone. (or unturned)

Brief info

So there is a baby that’s a spy / captain America twat and needs to battle a media mogul Bill Biscane who is played by John Voight (Angelina Jolies dad) who is attempting to use a satellite that would control the minds of the world’s population.  If this brief description doesn’t help to invigorate your imagination, consider Tomorrow never dies, Cats and dogs and a shit sandwich.

My only hope is Jim to end up with the doof because pay backs a bitch.

Verdict

No Footballs for you

Gods of Egypt Review

Gods of Egypt Review

As per our loser this year, please find the first of the terrible film reviews we’ll be subjected to. This one was selected by our league champion, Declan.

Gods_of_Egypt_poster.jpg

First review of the season starts off with a film with as little imagination as Declan himself. I presume he thought he would select the first film on Netflix….lazy, I mean this is to be a punishment try and think outside the box pal!
I will give you a brief description of the film itself, so it’s in Egypt with pyramids sand and shite actors. An unsung lad called “Bek” needs to save the world and rescue his Bird. In order to this he needs to enlist the help of a mythalogical god “Horus” to challenge Gerard Butler the god of Darkness who is on the throne of Egypt, I use the word throne as it both resembles the ruling order and the toilet, as this film is a jobby.

Cast involved
Bek – Brenton Rhwaites
Horus – Nikojal Coster- Waldau
Set – Gerard Butler
Ra – Geoffrey Rush

Overall review

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2/5 Footballs
Ok the film is alright its watchable, it could have been better my thought was there was too much going on. It’s not a film to watch when you are hungover but I have gave it 2 footballs because maybe I was not in the right frame of mind to watch. Saying that if there was some shagging in the film I would have enjoyed it. It’s no Game of Thrones and it’s a poor film choice from our 2018 champion hopefully the selection continues into the upcoming draft, its time for you to get back to the dregs of our league dick face.