Who Ya Got?! Week 3 Fud-U-Like Edition

Who Ya Got?! Week 3 Fud-U-Like Edition

Week 3. We didn’t have a blog in Week 2 for reasons that are myriad and complex. Actually the reasons were I couldn’t get round to it past the Thursday night game and once that’s taken place I have all the energy of an elderly person who’s fallen the down the stairs, desperately reaching for the life alert button. So here’s your summary. Every quarterback who’s played in the NFL within the last decade is stone dead. All of them with the exception of the immortal Tam Brady, happily plugged into Davey’s lineup never to see the bench. Cunt at this rate I’m going to start him on the bye week just because that’s the belief I have in this man. But lets see how those with QB’s from the waiver and the bench are looking this week with this weeks Who Ya Got?!

Bobby Nelsons Tash Clash Game of the Week

Decatron’s Dabbing Destroyers vs Bigger the Better

61% Kyzi. 8 more percent and you’d have a sexual position he can’t attain without a drowning risk for the other party. Decs on the other hand sits second in the league and needs this victory handy to keep his spot. An arse skelp of Kyzi and he’d be loving life but if it goes to pot then he’s on for a potential skid.

Lets have a look at team Kyzi here…. post injury revelation Dalvin Cook? There’s always someone who appears from nowhere to be an absolute stud and somehow it’s this cunt. When the wheels fall off this guy Kyzi I’ll be there to bail you out with a perfectly fair trade but until then good luck to you! I can’t imagine a player who had a riotous first four weeks in the past 2 seasons before experiencing a season ending injury letting you down. That would NEVER happen would it?

I genuinely can’t pick fault with Dec’s team which is horrifying. Normally in years past I’d shoot holes in this like I was the average American high schooler but it can’t be done. Solid RB’s, absolute studs at WR. Russell bloody Wilson leading the charge. I’m now entirely convinced Dec’s has only the one auction strategy and he’s going to drive it into the ground until such time as he wins again or the dyslexia finally kills him stone dead when he misreads ingredients and smashes some cyanide buns instead of cinnamon buns.

Bigger the Better to crack Dec’s skull open with the belt

A Bunch of Helmets vs Sponsored by Lambeau

His own team’s QB has just hit the bench on a 50/50 lifetime game record. Meanwhile Doigy is on a 1-1 season record. Realistically there’s few similarities there but I’m reaching for anything three weeks in. MT on the other hand can’t buy a win. 0-2 and staring down the barrel of 0-3 at the hands of Doigys Dildoers or whatever his team name is.

Doigy is boxing clever with the old Mostert pickup from the weekend. Some would chastise, “CHASING POINTS” they’d say. To those naysayers I say “Wait and see till the results come in and then I’ll decide how I feel” With Falk at the helm the Jets are sure to spunk a shitload of points in the direction of the Patriots defense. Sadly Doigy as much as I’d like to criticize and deride there’s not much I can offer here.

Speaking of criticism and derision, we’ve got MT’s team. First things first, he’s rolling out the Brisket at QB which is panic systems but I’ve got TY Hilton so I’ll choose to believe. We’ve got 700 year old Larry Fitz in the flex which, whilst pleasant, is maybe one of the least attractive starts in this league. And to tuck it all away he’s got Double Sided Sellotape as his WR1, Antonio Brown. When you get it, you get it.

It’s safe to say A Bunch of HelmetsĀ won’t break a sweat here.

Newcraighall Nukes vs Samba’s Warriors

Always an enjoyable match up year on year but for once the fables are reversed and we’ve got Ape playing for first place here. That’s unusual in the extreme. This is the sort of thing Attenborough would narrate if he wasn’t half dead propped up by the hands of the BBC.

OneSki needs more from McAffrey this week. None of this 6.5 point pish, no, no those days are past now. Kid gloves are off, it’s bare knuckle stuff from this side now. If only OneSki had popped an RB in the flex with Lamar Jackson we’d be staring down the barrel of a four RB team. DK Metcalf with his less-than-a-heroin-addict body fat percentage is gonna lead this WR corps to a big performance on Sunday and I, for one, can’t wait to see it.

Ape’s band of derelict rejects somehow sit atop this league and it’s beggars belief how. Matt Stafford? He’s the travel lodge of QB’s. Austin Ekeler? Points bukkake but shouldn’t be anywhere near the top spot. Then you’ve got Odell Beckham and his stupid 14k watch wearing antics also having points diarrhea. I personally hate the fact this teams top of the league but I’m not surprised why.

Sorry OneYoung, I want to see fucked up fingernail Sauron defeated as much as anyone, but you’re not the true king to do it. Newcraighall Nukes to take over the Shire.

Top Shaggers vs Asked Madden

This was so close to being the disabled duel. We’ve seen this matchup a tonne of times and it’s total boom or bust. We either expect it to determine some fortunes in this league or we’re not surprised if it puts us into a coma. This one leans more towards the coma sweepstakes.

All I’m saying for Jimbo here is Pat Mahomes. Who gives a fuck what else he’s packing. Pat Mahomes is Pat Mahomes. Sheep might as well papercut his foreskin and pop off to bed cause that’s the only sensation he can expect if he sticks around to watch the 6pm games nevermind the rest. Mind you… Jets defence….. NO! Ignore me! Pat Mahomes!

Josh Jacobs lost 10lbs due to illness and the first time Sheep found out was me telling him. I then had to explain him the concept of losing weight ie the number on the scale goes down. He was positively bamboozled. I’ve had an easier time explaining how to do the slosh to someone with scoliosis. Fuck the rest of his team and especially fuck him.

Top Shaggers to do some shagging here. Sheeps got a big fat arse and a love shagging it says Jim.

Beast Mode vs Team 9

Nice one Caj. Still not quite figured out how to do the team names huh? All we did was change app we didn’t change what we’re actually doing you’d think we’d changed to fantasy hockey given how much this has bamboozled this doss cunt.

Beast Mode has sprung out to an early season lead before being brought back down to Earth with a left right goodnight at the hands of yours truly. He just couldn’t compete. Another tick in the loss column in the Battle of the Bald. But whats this?! The Battle of the Bald round 2. Cabbage vs the Pretender. Lets see you have at him Cabbage. Good to see Emmanuel Sanders has made the lineup for a change. Next thing you’ll be putting U20’s scrum halfs in the 2’s…. *Checks the club website* oh wait…

Caj, lets face facts. You’re a mong. An overperforming mong i’ll give you that, but a mong nevertheless. Every year you do something more and more to convince me of just how much of a mong you are. Scotlands streets are actively more dangerous with you on them if only because you’ve got as much chance of catching a freddo as you do a criminal. The only true purpose you serve is to convince people with learning difficulties they can do anything if they put their mind to it and you probably shouldn’t do that cause one of them will take your job.

Beast Mode it’s time to punish this mong like a panicking step mother in the 1950’s

Doofys Disabled Duel

Shooting by Arrangement vs The Goulash Goon’s

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