Who Ya Got?! Week 14: Best for Last Edition

Who Ya Got?! Week 14: Best for Last Edition

Well here it is, final week of the regular season, and what a season it’s been. Sitting atop this fine league has been a rare experience for myself that I’ve cherished every second of. Especially donning the marvellous Tash Clash belt, in the scud, on more than one occassion. Even more enjoyable though has been watching some serious fantasy competitors left in purgatory until this very weekend. How will our play off seeds pan out? Will it be Kyzi, Caj or Goulash that makes it to the dance? No one cares. What we all care about is that ever elusive third Doof off slot. Which poor, poor, godforsaken cunt is getting lumped together with Dumb and Dumber at the arse end of the table? 6-8 will be there record, and for their sins, in two weeks time, they could be eating cold sausage rolls and drinking flat Tennants at La Discotheque du Doof. It’d be some Old Testament retribution from the Fantasy Gods should someone with a 6-8 record be left in that sorry situation, it’d sure make you wonder what they’d done to deserve such punishment.

And on that note, let’s get on to this week’s games!

Bobby Nelsons Tash Clash Game of the Week

A Bunch of Helmets 6-7 (109.39) v Top Shaggers 6-7 (109.45)

Here we have one of those very match ups. Two fantasy stallwarts of the league, with everything we like in a league member. Active in the chat. Solid fantasy knowledge. Bipolar tendancies. Strong opinions. These are the things we look for the in MRFC Man’s League. And this one couldn’t be shaping up any closer, let’s dive into the match up.

As you can see the predicted points couldn’t be split by a bawhair with NFL.com projecting a mere 0.06 points between them. We have 30 million dollar man Cousins going against 30 sheepy fat bux man Deshaun Watson. QB11 v QB12 respectively. We have marquee names everywhere catching passes, with Keenan Allen, OBJ and Gronk all shagging to their top potential (shagging men counts as well Odell, don’t stress), versus a talented bunch of helmets including Nuke Hopkins, Mike Evans and the surprising leader of the group, Zach Ertz. It’s a clash of AFC North talent in the flex with Tyler Boyd taking on Hard Knocks favourite Jarvis Landry. But here is where the teams differ. Doigy employed a bold “Fuck RBs” strategy in the draft and thats left us with quite the disparity at the runningback position, roughly equal to the disparity in physique between these two contestants. But where Doigy has the chiselled rig we all crave, he’s the one with B&M Bargain backs. Josh Adams and Jeff Wilson (who recently hung up his spirit level and wood saw for a shot at NFL stardom), versus household names Lamar Miller and Joe Mixon.

With these teams being so closely matched, my head says Jimbo takes this one for dad bods all over the nation, but I’m not gonna let my head deprive us of a pic of Doigy, in the scud, with that glorious gold around his waist.

A Bunch Of Helmets to win it and enjoy the elation of pure mediocrity.

Samba’s Warriors 11-2 (117.57) v Asked Madden 9-4 (115.29)

Let’s get this out the way because none of you care and this basically does nothing to the seedings. Sheep and I are safe as houses and loving life.

You don’t care, we don’t care, get it right roond ye.

Bigger The Better 8-5 (115.50) v Hail cajy 8-5 (98.75)

Firstly fuck Caj for making me type that name.

We truly are in the upside down. Bizzarro world. Opposite land. Call it what you will but something is very wrong. Perennial bottom dwellers Kyzi and Caj are duking it out for play off spots. PLAY OFF SPOTS. Let that sink in (it shouldn’t take long given the combined weight of these competitors).

Kebab is boasting an impressive squad propped up by Julio Jones and Saquads Barkley (who would ever trade that combination away? No one that would ever live to regret it in the subsequent playoffs when they returned home to their distant father who brought them both into this league, only to cast them aside for two shiny, golden recently underperforming superstars), the guy who would be Ape’s favourite player if he paid any attention to the actual success of white NFL players, Adam Thielen, the reawoken Amari Cooper and boom or bust TE Jared Cook. Thats an impressive squad, even if it is manned by Jameis Winston (recently spotted being passed about by two GOOD MATES).

Caj’s team used to boast similar firepower, but with Kareem Hunt trying out for KC’s kicking job, and Lamar Jackson’s inabilty to throw the ball removing any value from John Brown, Caj is left with league favourite Josh Gordon, Zeke Elliott and AD to float his time. Now that may sound like a nice trio. AD broke of a 90 yarder I hear you cry. He was 9 carries for 98 yards in that game, it doesn’t take our resident mathematician to work out that is not ideal.

Kyzi to wear him down and beat Caj, just like baldness has. Bigger The Better for the win.

Goulash Goons 8-5 (98.69) v Shooting By Arrangement 6-7 (116.86)

Another clash this week with plenty on the line. Will the Chin be playoff bound, banishing our Commish to the potential Doofy danger zone? Or will DP wake up feeling dangerous and throw a knock out blow at that mighty jaw line? Only time will tell. It’d be nice if there was some extra drama involved in this match up but its really quite a bore. Oh no wait, this pair were involved in one of the leagues highest profile trades, all but two weeks ago. Shooting sending their workhorse back, RB#1 Todd Gurley to the Goons in exchange for CMC, RB#4, and a receiver of little note or status. Oh, wait there, no, it was Tyreek the Freak, WR#Fucking1. DP, clearly inspired by auld Red Dead 2, committing daylight robbery, theft of the highest order. A man as honourable as his chin is large, actually raped himself in order to fully avoid raping our hapless Commish. This Tyreek sized hole has been filled by the noteable Taylor Gabriel WR#56, whilst DP has only strengthened his squad with a plethora of back up RBs.

This is a game that will leave the Goons feeling like exactly that, goons. Shooting By Arrangement for the W. Enjoy watching the very things you once loved, destroy everything you fought to build.

Deshaun of the dead 2-11 (95.82) v Beast Mode 6-7 (102.03)

This game narrowly missed out on the Disabled duel, and all that saved it was Cabbage’s efforts throughout this season. I’m usually first to get Andy’s blood boiling, but he’s actually made some shrewd moves of late and boasts an impressive record given the lack of talent his squad actually has. Eric Ebron being a highlight pick up, few bears here and there that can blow up any given day, a nice trade for a red hot Aaron Jones, couple nice QBs to play match ups with, Ingram to pick up some work once the Saint’s have ran away with it. I’ve seen worse squads. Has he made some of the most retarded trade moves we’ve seen in this league with his GOOD MATE chinalin? Yeah, sure he has. But he’s sitting one victory away from mediocrity and a healthy sleeping pattern (from a fantasy stand point), and all that stands in his way is an empty tracksuit, the gable end of a crisp, a man so thin he actively avoids drains for fear of imprisonment, wee Josh.

Now wee Josh’s team is not a good team. Stricken by injury to his star AJ Green, Wentz failing to perform, JoHo playing second fiddle to Beast Mode’s Tarik Cohen, Humphries, Barber. There arent many bright spots left for our 2-11 rookie. James White and Kenny Golladay being the only names that would really draw much interest outside Cam Newton at the helm. Once the proud owner of Travis Kelce TE#1, now the owner of bench warmer Doug Baldwin. Not much has gone right for our wee Josh after his three TE draft strategy (that’s right, THREE). Has he enjoyed this stint of Man’s fantasy? Probably not. Will he have to endure it much longer? Who knows. What we do know is he underestimated this league, and as much as he wishes his last battle was against our bald, diabetic phoenix, he’s got a tough few weeks ahead. Try and enjoy them Josh, its only life size Doofy staring at you and reminding you how awful this all was for an entire year. We actually found live footage of Wee Josh’s doof escape

Beast Mode

Doofys Disabled Duel

Newcraighall Nukes 6-7 v Decatrons Dabbing Destroyers 2-11

Decatrons’s been shafted by injuries, Ape is a dick.

Decatrons Dabbing Destroyers to win.

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