Who Ya Got?! Week 13: Polite and Politically Correct Edition

Who Ya Got?! Week 13: Polite and Politically Correct Edition

I have been looking forward to writing this blog for a number of weeks; not only because I am sitting in a lofty second position in the table, but primarily because I’ll get a one week respite from the horrendous fat shaming culture in this league. There have been a few noteworthy goings on since our last blog so I will try to get you up to date before getting into the nitty gritty:

  • A blockbuster trade has taken place in the league! The goldenest of chins sending the swollenest of prostates a king’s ransom for Daves lone player of worth.
  • Decs managed to pilfer his second win on the year, picking it up from the oft shat on Doigy.
  • Ape has actually checked his phone on three separate occasions.
  • The Browns have won their first road game in 3 years.
  • Alex Collins has been traded so many times between Goulash and Cabbage that he decided to pack it up and allow a guy called Gus Edwards to take over the primary RB role in Baltimore.

Surely this can’t all have happened in just one week since the last blog post?? You would be correct. Thanks to the silent, snivelling cat scrotum known as Joshy missing his blog post we have had to endure 2 full weeks with no post. 2 full weeks of no hate filled rants. 2 full weeks of having to read the back of shower gel bottles whilst taking a shit. Much like my own cats scrotum, Josh isn’t likely to be here come next year, so without further ado let’s get into the matchups:

Bobby Nelsons Tash Clash Game of the Week

Bigger The Better Vs Shooting by Arrangement

I know what you’re thinking; surely this can’t be match of the week! These two teams barely even have a winning record combined. Normally you would be correct, however, Kyzi has been pissing points for fun over the last few weeks. That mixed in with the aforementioned trade that Davey shrewdly pushed through before the trade deadline has given this matchup a much different flavour from week 11 which saw Davey fail to reach 50.

I don’t particularly like either of these people. Kyzi is as large as me if not larger yet he still bandies about the fat slags as much as (maybe more so) than others. This isn’t the chief reason I dislike him, in fact I quite enjoy a fat joke. I’m hoping if I get enough of them I may eventually be bothered to do something about it (unlikely). No the chief reason I dislike him is because he has ruined one of my favourite foods. I am talking of course about the donner Kebab. If Kyzi were to perform a pirouette my mouth would likely start to water. I’d be en route to Marios to pick up some chilli + Salad sauces. Every time I meet this human spit in person I break whatever diet I’m on. The next day you’ll find me; kite out on the sofa slathered in garlic mayo with Marios on one phone line and the Frying Scotsman on the other. His team is pretty good though.

I don’t hate Davey, I pity him. If you made a film about this man’s life it would have academy award written all over it. Picture someone pitching this film.

A small boy with no dad growing up in the mean streets of Musselburgh turns to rugby to get a father figure. The poor boy turns bald by 13 which leads to a horrendous couple of years at school where he gets relentlessly bullied. He develops a sharp wit and shields himself behind scathing sarcasm. Our hero has more testosterone than most and develops a large beard and is physically intimidating by 15, a career in rugby could be on the horizon. Alas, poor Davey falls foul to a recurring shoulder injury which limits his potential. With no redeeming qualities and no friends, Davey ventures out into the world to seek out his father. Will he look to forge a bond with him or does he want vengeance for the poor genes passed down? Unfortunately the film never finds out. Instead our intrepid hero gets stuck in a basement in Toronto cleaning up after his friends cat, he is only wheeled out to hurl abuse at passers-by like an evil quivering bald guard dog.

Okay so maybe not academy award winning more like Razzie winning, but there could be something there. Obviously the part of Davey will be played by a black kid.

Davey has managed to strengthen his team tenfold with the addition of CMC and everyones favourite woman beater Tyreek Hill (it’s alright though, nobody filmed it). This should be a lot closer than the last turgid affair (scores below)

Week 11 – Bigger The Better: 112.70  Shooting by Arrangement: 47.28

My Verdict is a win for Shooting by Arrangement. There’s a very good chance this game goes over 250 points.

Goulash Goons Vs Beast Mode

Chinaling and Diabeto have been very busy wheeling and dealing over the last few weeks to bolster their squads in time for the playoffs. Alex Collins has been passed between the two more times than a junkies stick and has been about as useful as the Aids which came with it. It ended up with Cabbage essentialy giving up Dion Lewis for hee haw as Jameis Winston was about as useful as a pierced condom. Cabbage has since sent Brandin Cooks to Ape for Aaron Jones, I like this trade for both teams, Aaron Jones has been looking great when he gets snaps. Goulash has acquired fantasy MVP Todd Gurley. Most fantasy pundits will tell you to give up anything to pick up Todd Gurley, he is that good. However I don’t think they meant quite the treasure trove that Sandy gave up. McCaffrey and Hill combined on Daveys team for a massive 43.2 points. That’s great on a normal day but bear in mind that Hill was on bye and this shows you what a disgustingly horrendous mistake Sandy has made.

Lord Baldemorts squad is now looking like who’s who of mediocrity. Every single one of these players has had at least 1 huge week over the season, how likely is it that the stars align this week against Chin? Not hugely.

Cunts team has 3 massive names in Brown, Brees and Gurley. The supporting cast however leaves a lot to be desired.

Week 10 – Beast Mode 101.70 Goulash Goons: 137.30

In a rematch from week 10 I can’t see a different outcome. Goulash Goons (what a horrendous name, If you really liked the idea surely it should be Goulash’s Goons?) for the win.

Asked Madden Vs Decatron’s Dabbing Destroyers

This game is incredibly boring, so I will try to keep it short but sweet. My team, Asked Madden is a powerhouse. No one team member stands alone in keeping this squad aloft. A far cry from the championship of 2016 where David Johnson carried a fractured squad including Blake Bortles to triumph on his large masculine dreamy back. Now grandfathered into the team he is surrounded by good talent. Not excellent talent, just good. Each of those players has the ability to rip off a 30 burger though which has kept me up there at the business end of the table year round.

Decs team is coming together for a late season play to avoid the Doof. He’ll be in contention but with this squad I can see him doing the dirty over a poor unsuspecting soul week 15. His squad is filled with players I struggle to spell so I hate to imagine Decs having to sound out the names every weekend. My advice to you, Decs, is next year draft some shorter names, maybe then you won’t be stuck each week trying to work out who is who and you’ll stop leaving good players on the bench.

Week 8: Asked Madden: 156.66 Decatron’s Dabbing Destroyers: 113.74

I actually see the Destroyers winning this one. Rodgers, Fournette and Adams is a formidable 3some. How are you only on 2 wins Decs??? I do get the rape child back this week in the tight end position so fingers crossed I am wrong and clinch that playoff spot.

Top Shaggers Vs Hail Cajy

Caj in this league is a bit like when the WWE thought it would be a good idea to have a retard on the show. You may think this has something to do with the make a wish foundation but no. They had a guy (fully mentally capable might I add) act like a disabled man child week in, week out getting beat up by roided up mongos regularly and occasionally getting a shock pinfall. Caj this year is like Eugene once he stole Hulk Hogans Hulking up powers. Still wears adult diapers every morning but somehow when it comes to a Sunday night he is laying the beatdown on every other cunt with all of his mongo strength.

In this scenario that loosely makes Jimbo Kurt Angle. Olympic gold medalist from many moons ago (inaugural league champion) Jimbo has decided to put his gold medal on the line against Caj. He wants to laugh at all of Caj’s disabilities. He is going to hit Caj with the Angle Slam but instead of going for a pinfall he will try to finish him off with an Angle Lock. This is Jimbos biggest mistake. He forgot Caj is a retard, what is the one thing retards can’t do? That’s right, feel pain! Caj is going to low blow Jim, Hulk up like the raging mongo he is and lay Jimbo down with the Mongo’s elbow. (EDITORS NOTE: Best comparison of the year)

Week 2 – Top Shaggers: 95.10 Hail Cajy: 103.66

Hail Cajy to do the double of Jimbo. Pic related: Caj when he wakes up on Tuesday morning.

A Bunch Of Helmets Vs Samba’s Warriors

This matchup is down here because it is boring. Doigy is going to put up points. OneYoung is going to put up more. Doigy is going to complain in the chat the rest of the week about how he is hard done by. That’s what I would have said if I’d been writing this blog before week 5. However Doigys incessant childlike whining has been kept to a minimum since them, he actually did the dirty over OneYoung in week 5 in one of the only blips OneSki has had throughout the season.

The Helmets have recently acquired Josh Adams who is looking good for the Eagles and I would assume he will get the nod at the RB position. Mack has been looking like a monster playing for the Colts but I wouldn’t expect much this weekend versus the Jags. You know what to do Doigy. You can hear him Calling CAW, he is due a big game CAW, he can save your season CAW!! Unleash the Crow CAW

CAW

CAW

CAW

OneYoung go and stop being good for just a couple of minutes. I’m sick of seeing your shite chat of, “oh no it looks like *insert opponent here* is having a good game, don’t think I can beat them” at half past 7 every week. Before preceding to wipe the floor with them when Pat Mahomes chucks TD’s for fun and JuJu runs farther than an Ethiopian for a water source.

Week 5 – Sambas Warriors: 81.62 A Bunch Of Helmets: 104.30

I want to see the crow run over Tennessee so if Doigy plays him I predict A Bunch of Helmets to claim the W. Otherwise its another easy victory for Samba and his band of Warriors.

Newcraighall Nukes Vs Deshaun of the Dead

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